How to co-parent calmly

What is co-parenting?

Co-parenting is where a couple who are separated or divorced, work together to raise their child, collaborating on decisions such as schooling, religion and healthcare and sharing responsibilities.

Every set of co-parents will develop tactics that work for them, whether they are still friendly and communicate often, have a functional relationship focused solely on parenting tasks or interact minimally and raise the children in distinct environments.

Who gets custody of a child in divorce?

In the UK child custody, referred to as child arrangements, focus on where the child lives and the time spent with each parent and the court makes decisions on about these based on what is in the child best interests. While the court favours shared parenting, if the parents cannot agree, the court will issue child arrangement orders based on what is best for the child's welfare, not on which parent believes they have more of a right.

Child arrangements can be made in a number of ways. Initially the ideal is that the parents can agree on a plan and structure which the court can support if they agree. If an agreement cannot be reached, then the co-parents may need mediation to try and reach an agreement that works for all parties involved. At this stage, a child arrangements specialist lawyer can be a great support to help open communication and offer legal advice.

If mediation fails, parents can apply for a Child Arrangements Order, which legally defines who the child lives with and when they see the other parent.

How to co-parent effectively?

High conflict situations can cause difficulty in co-parenting, leaving each party feeling unheard and frustrated. To co-parent effectively, you both need to reach a place where you can communicate calmly to be heard, but also hear the other when it comes to the child or children you share. Within the patience this takes, you may find that a lot of your desires for your child overlap; the desire for your child to be raised in safe and loving environments, even if it isn't one you can make together.

Effective communication involves communication and collaboration. Working towards common goals for your child and being flexible as these change with your child's age or your

co-parents situation evolves. Having predicable routines across two homes can support your child in adjusting to their new normal.

What to do when a parent refuses to co-parent?

When your ex refuses to co-parent, it can be incredibly frustrating, but it is important to keep trying, document these attempts and moreover, document the lack of cooperation from your co-parent. This evidence is crucial if you go to court later on.

You should keep all communications on your end calm and business like, focused on the practicalities of co-parenting rather than emotional arguments.

If you already have legal orders in place and your co-parent refuses to co-operate, you can apply for enforcement which may result in warnings or financial compensation for losses.

If the uncooperative parent's actions harm the child's well-being and are considered negligent, a court may consider changing existing child arrangements to the more cooperative parent, but this requires strong evidence.

When to hire a lawyer for child custody disputes

A dedicated family lawyer can offer legal advice at every stage of your separation and divorce but can be particularly helpful where child arrangements are needed. We know how difficult these times can be on a family, and having the right support and guidance on hand can make all the difference.

Our team of understanding and compassionate child arrangement lawyers has helped countless families find the best way forward, working through disputes and conflict, positively and constructively. Call us on 0330 041 5869 or contact us online to arrange a callback.