Family mediation is an amicable alternative to the court process for separating couples. It provides impartial support from a trained mediator, to help you reach an accord on all the issues that matter to you both: from the division of your money and assets to decisions on child arrangements.
Separating from your spouse or long-term partner can be a stressful and difficult time in anyone's life. With so much uncertainty surrounding your lives, and emotions often running high on both sides, it can become impossible to sit down and discuss important issues with each other.
That's when we will often recommend that you consider family mediation. This involves working with a trained and completely neutral family mediator, who can help you to resolve a host of the most difficult but important issues you may face.
Family mediators are instructed by both sides and completely impartial, which means they will never take sides or make judgements. Their role is to help find a way forward that works for both sides and hopefully prevent the need to go to court. In fact, in most cases, attending a mediation assessment is a requirement of the court before any court proceedings are issued.
When can family mediation be used?
Family mediation can be a powerful tool in helping to resolve conflict and find a constructive and mutually beneficial way through challenging times, without the need to take legal action in the courts.
A mediator can help you and your family through a range of difficult circumstances, including:
The family mediation process typically follows three stages. It's designed to help you reach a fair agreement without the stress or expense of court. Here's how it works:
Stage 1: The MIAM
Before any joint discussions take place, you will attend an individual meeting called a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).
This is a confidential one-on-one meeting where you explain your situation and the mediator assesses whether mediation is safe and suitable for your case.
If the mediator and both parties agree to proceed, you will move to joint sessions. If not, the mediator can sign the relevant court forms allowing you to proceed to court if necessary.
Stage 2: The mediation sessions
You will then attend a series of sessions (usually 1-2 hours each) to discuss the issues.
Usually, you and your ex-partner will be in the same room (or on the same video call) with the mediator. If tensions are high, you can request 'shuttle mediation', where you sit in separate rooms and the mediator moves between you.
The mediator acts as a neutral facilitator. They do not take sides, deciding who is 'right' or 'wrong', and they do not give legal advice. Instead, they guide the conversation to keep it productive and focused on solutions.
If you are discussing finances, there will be a specific stage for 'disclosure', where both parties share financial documents to ensure negotiations are based on full and accurate figures.
Stage 3: The agreement
Once you reach a set of proposals you are both happy with, the mediator will create two summary documents:
Memorandum of Understanding (MOU): Outlining exactly what you have agreed regarding children, property or finance
Open Financial Statement (OFS): A summary of the financial facts and figures you provided.
What are the benefits of family mediation?
Using a family mediation service has the potential to bring a wealth of benefits, including the chance to start your future relationship as you mean to go on. When you have children together, the chances are that there will be many occasions you will both attend and decisions you will have to make together.
Family mediation can help you to find a way of listening to each other's needs and reaching necessary compromises. It's also important to bear in mind that family mediation services are:
less stressful than court proceedings, which can be confrontational and cause tensions between you and your ex to escalate
less damaging and upsetting for any children who are involved
considerably quicker than court proceedings
able to provide you and your ex more control over how your issues are resolved. Your family mediator will help you to find a solution that works for both of you
flexible, as agreements made through the process of mediation can be altered should your circumstances change
Could family mediation help me?
Just as importantly, family law mediation sessions can help you to work through important issues such as arrangements for children to maintain contact with grandparents and other members of their extended family.
What’s more, if you apply to the court to hear your case, the judge is likely to refuse to hear it unless you have at least considered mediation first.
If you are in the process of separating from your partner and would like advice on mediation, call our family law solicitors on 0330 041 5869 or contact us online and we will call you.
The best solicitors to fight your corner! I struggled with a nasty unmarried couple dispute alone for over a year before biting the bullet and paying for proper legal support. I had one previous experience with a cheaper less well-known solicitor and I just felt completely let down and not a priority. But with Slater and Gordon, from start to finish, I felt supported 100% and valued.
B L (family and personal matters case)
Matters were dealt with efficiently with a view to keeping costs to a realistic level and I am well satisfied with the final settlement she managed to achieve on my behalf.
J B (family and personal matters case)
For anyone needing help with family issues I could not recommend Slater and Gordon highly enough. I always had the feeling I had the best looking after my interests and they certainly didn't disappoint.
C I (family and personal matters case)
We believe that seeking family mediation is a desirable course of action whenever disputes arise over things like child arrangements, property or money. Just as importantly, the sooner you use a family mediation service, the less chance there is of disputes getting out of hand and becoming intractable.
As we mentioned above, judges may refuse to hear some court cases if you can't show that you have at least considered mediation before going down that route.
Having said that, even if you and your partner or ex have been separated for a long time, and have already been to court, mediation can still be a very good idea for your family. The atmosphere is less highly charged than in a courtroom, the objective is to reach agreement rather than simply to win, and an experienced mediator is there to help you both, in the most impartial way possible.
How should I prepare for family mediation?
Preparation is key to getting the most out of the family mediation process. Arriving organised and with a clear mindset can help you reduce anxiety and save time (and potentially money) by keeping discussions focused. Here's some guidance on how to prepare:
The MIAM: Your first step is usually a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). This is an individual meeting to check if mediation is suitable for you.
Logistics: Make sure you have a quiet, private space if the mediation is online. If you're attending in person, plan your travel and have any childcare pre-arranged so you are not distracted.
Legal advice: It's often helpful to speak to a family solicitor before you start the process. While the mediator is impartial, a solicitor can advise you on your specific legal rights and what a fair outcome might look like for you.
Prioritise the children: Keep their wellbeing central to every discussion.
Focus on the future: Try to park past grievances and focus on practical solutions for the future.
Know your boundaries: Be clear in your own mind about what is non-negotiable, but identifying where you can be flexible is equally important.
Documents for financial mediation
If you are discussing finances, you need to provide a clear picture of your assets and debts. You should start gathering:
Recent bank statements
Current balances for savings, ISAs and investments
Current mortgage statements and a reliable estimate of your property's value
Pension cash equivalent values. These can take weeks to obtain, so request them early
Details of any debts, such as credit cards or loans
Proof of income (payslips, P60 or tax returns)
Information for child arrangements
If you are mediating regarding children, you should try to come prepared with:
Your children's school and activity timetables
A calendar showing current term dates and holidays
Specific proposals for how you think care should be shared
A list of important upcoming dates (birthdays, family events)
Why choose Slater and Gordon’s family mediation lawyers?
We know that every family is unique which is why we carefully tailor our advice to suit individual families' needs and strive to secure the best outcome for you. Slater and Gordon's team of family mediation solicitors have the empathy and the expertise you need.
We are ranked in the independent legal directory Chambers and Partners and in the Legal 500, showcasing our dedication to providing outstanding family law services
Many members of our family law team have also been individually recognised in the Legal 500
We are Lexcel accredited, which was introduced by The Law Society as a quality mark for client cases, practice management and legal compliance
We pride ourselves on finding amicable solutions where possible, while ensuring your rights and interests are protected throughout the legal process to achieve the best outcome for you and your family
We’re proud members of Resolution, an organisation of family justice professionals committed to promoting a constructive approach to family issues that considers the needs of the whole family
We have dedicated family offices nationally, including Manchester, Wirral, Liverpool and London, bringing national expertise to your doorstep.
We are an award-winning law firm and have a dedicated team of family mediation lawyers to advise and guide you – no matter how complex your situation may be.
Affordability and advice
We offer affordable, expert legal advice on divorce and child arrangements. Book a consultation for clear guidance and next steps. Our assessment helps you understand your situation and make informed decisions. Consultation charged at £150 for 45 minutes.
Tailored advice
We understand that family situations differ – so we are able to provide tailored advice and guidance to suit your individual needs.
Local access
We are a national law firm, with legal experts available locally across the UK. Meetings can be arranged via telephone or video call, to suit your requirements.
In some cases, mediation may last only a few weeks, but it can often take a few months to finalise agreements. The length of time can vary significantly. It will often depend on the issues being discussed, how many there are, their complexity and how much opinions on either side differ from one another.
How much does family mediation cost in the UK?
The typical cost of family mediation can vary based on multiple factors, including the issues you need to discuss and the complexity of your case. The cost of mediation covers the sessions you have and any documentation that needs to be drafted for the court.
Your family mediator will discuss costs with you when you sit down for your first meeting, so you can proceed with full transparency.
Should I get legal advice before mediation?
It is strongly recommended that you get independent legal advice before you attend family mediation. While a mediator will never look to undermine your position, they also cannot give advice to one side or the other in the interest of impartiality. It can be crucial, therefore, to speak to a specialist family mediation lawyer before you start the process. This will give you a better understanding of your own legal position and how best to approach the sessions.
Do you have to go to mediation before family court?
You do not have to go through the family mediation process. But you are required by law to show that you have at least considered it.
You do this by attending an MIAM to see whether mediation is going to be suitable for you. Everyone's situation is different, of course, but those who do go through mediation tend to find that they come to an agreement sooner, at less of an emotional and financial cost. That's why family mediation services are often so strongly recommended.
Do I have to attend family mediation?
Unless you have an exemption, you are required to attend a MIAM. Here are some circumstances that may mean you are exempt:
If you or your children have suffered domestic abuse from your ex-partner
Your case needs to be dealt with urgently, perhaps due to risk to life or physical safety
You've already tried family mediation to resolve the issue(s)
Social services are involved in the interests of child protection
One or both of you live outside the area of jurisdiction
There are no family mediators within 15 miles or available within three weeks
After the MIAM, the mediation sessions themselves are entirely voluntary. Both you and your partner must agree to enter the process, and the mediator must deem you suitable for it. If one (or more) of those things does not happen, the mediator will sign paperwork to say you have attended a MIAM but will be taking your case to the court.
Is family mediation legally binding?
No, the agreement you reach in mediation (the MOU) is not legally binding on its own. But it can be made legally binding with a few extra steps.
For your finances:
It is strongly recommended that you make the financial parts of your agreement legally binding.
You take the MOU to a solicitor, and they use it to draft a consent order.
A judge then reviews the order. You will not usually have to attend court for this.
Once the judge approves the order, it becomes legally binding and can be enforced if one of you breaks the terms set out within the document.
For child arrangements:
Unlike with financial matters, the court usually prefers not to make legally binding orders when it comes to matters relating to children in family mediation.
Instead, parents are encouraged to agree on things between themselves in the MOU and stick to those terms.
You can apply for a legally binding consent order for child arrangements. But the court will only grant this if it feels it is in the best interests of the child.
What happens after family mediation if my ex and I still can’t agree?
Where you have not been able to reach an agreement, there are other options available to you. These include:
Partial agreement, where you've found a middle ground on some issues. You can formalise these elements and ask solicitors or the court to help you resolve the others.
Negotiation via solicitors, where you and your ex-partner will enlist legal experts to try and come to an agreement on your behalf, with your consent.
Apply to the family court, where a judge will hear both sides and make an order that both of you must follow.
Arbitration, where you jointly appoint a private judge to hear your case and make a decision that is legally binding. This is often a quicker process than applying to the court.
We have experienced family mediation solicitors based in offices across the UK, including Manchester, Cardiff, London and Liverpool.
If you're looking for expert, friendly advice on the mediation process, how it works and whether it's right for your situation, please feel free to contact us at a time that works for you. You can get in touch online or call us on 0330 041 5869.
The best solicitors to fight your corner! I struggled with a nasty unmarried couple dispute alone for over a year before biting the bullet and paying for proper legal support. I had one previous experience with a cheaper less well-known solicitor and I just felt completely let down and not a priority. But with Slater and Gordon, from start to finish, I felt supported 100% and valued. B L (family and personal matters case)
Matters were dealt with efficiently with a view to keeping costs to a realistic level and I am well satisfied with the final settlement she managed to achieve on my behalf. J B (family and personal matters case)
For anyone needing help with family issues I could not recommend Slater and Gordon highly enough. I always had the feeling I had the best looking after my interests and they certainly didn't disappoint. C I (family and personal matters case)