Family law
I’m a divorce lawyer, what you need to know about achieving a ‘good’ divorce
Divorce can be one of the most challenging moments someone can face in their life. However, with constructive conversation and thoughtful decision-making, a ‘good’ divorce can be achieved.
Divorce can be one of the most challenging moments someone can face in their life. However, with constructive conversation and thoughtful decision-making, a ‘good’ divorce can be achieved.
Good Divorce Week is a campaign by the community Resolution during the second week of November, encouraging a constructive approach towards family issues that can provide better outcomes for separating families.
Lawyer and member of Resolution, Jenniffer Brunt, provides guidance for couples considering or going through the process of divorce on how meaningful decisions can be obtained during such difficult moments.
What is a good divorce?
The meaning of a good divorce can be different for different people.
To me, a good divorce is that an outcome can be achieved without conflict, without difficultly and that both parties are cooperating effectively.
The main aim for a divorce is to come to a solution that effectively allows for each person to comfortably move forward independently and confidently.
I’m struggling to meet an agreement with my ex-partner
If you are facing a situation where you are unable to come to an agreement, this can feel like a massive step back, which is highly frustrating. However, this is not something you need to face alone.
It is also the responsibility of a family lawyer to create solution. If an agreement is not being met, we are able to make suggestions according to what's best for both parties. However, be prepared you might need to make a compromise, and without solution it may go to court; especially if disputes cannot be resolved with mediation.
Try to focus on fairness, rather than seeing how you can ‘win’.
How can I avoid conflict?
There are clear reasons why someone may decide to divorce and often this is the immediate cause for conflict or confrontation.
Since the introduction of ‘No-Fault Divorce’ this has enabled divorce agreements to be met without placing blame, which has ultimately lessened the amount of conflict that can happen during the process.
It’s okay to feel frustrated, stressed or angry during the process. But when you are trying to make an agreement between yourself and your ex-partner, please consider how emotive language or unreasonable behaviour can cause greater damage to the situation.
With conflict during divorce proceedings, this can cause a step back in making any progress towards achieving a good outcome. Keep in mind what would be best for the situation, especially if you have children, what would be best for them?
What is often missed that can be a blocker for the divorce process?
The documentation that comes with divorce. There are various legal documents that need to be created or filled out, such as financial disclosure documents, marriage certificate, bank statements and more.
Whilst this can feel like a long and repetitive task, each party must remember to fill out documents against deadlines and keep on top of what is required. Without proper organisation, it can cause frustrations for everyone involved, and cause delays instead of progress.
By managing this properly, it can enable the process to go smoothly and more efficiently.
How do I know what is best for my child or children?
During the divorce process, it's easy to feel uncertain about what to decide for your child’s future. It is important to ensure that their wellbeing is at the upmost priority throughout any decision you make for them.
Through active listening, keeping an open dialogue as well as shielding them from conflict are some key places to start in understanding what they might want.
Following divorce, this should always be a priority.
What further guidance do you have towards people aiming for a good divorce?
Remember, a good divorce is where both people come out of proceedings emotionally, financial and socially stable, and their children’s needs met. With divorce, it's often the result of two people realising that staying together no longer serves their wellbeing or growth. Handling that realisation with care, maturity and respect is a sign of success.
Children’s wellbeing is a priority for all, so throughout proceedings it is crucial they are provided with reassurance, their routines kept consistent and they do not see any conflict as this can harm their sense of safety. Optimal arrangements between parties for their children can be met with a co-parenting plan.
Ultimately, divorce is a very challenging time. So, lead with emotional clarity, rather than reactivity. Both parties must take responsibility for their role in the relationship to avoid placing blame and allow for better communication moving forward.
The most successful divorces are met through co-operation, collaboration or mediation, preserving dignity, reducing any costs and allowing for creative solution. Amongst this, being transparent with full financial disclosure and honesty can help building trust again and allow for more sustainable agreements.
Following this difficult time, you have the opportunity to focus on personal growth and reinvention. Take a moment to reflect on the experience, what it has taught you so you can rebuild your identity outside the marriage. From exploring hobbies, trying new experiences, spending time with loved ones, you’ll find there is more time to spend on things that may have been set aside in the past.
How we can help
At Slater and Gordon, we’re committed to helping you find clarity and confidence in the hardest of moments. Our experienced team of family lawyers are here to guide you with compassion and expertise, every step of the way.
Whether you need support with financial arrangements, child custody, or simply understanding your options for the future, we are ready to listen. Reach out today for a confidential chat on 0330 041 5869 or online, and take the first step toward a more secure tomorrow.
